


Replay

by munarei



Category: Tales of Xillia, Tales of Xillia 2
Genre: Alternate Dimensions Shenanigans, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 23:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3307517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/munarei/pseuds/munarei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He deserves this really. It’s kind of surprising that he hadn’t been punished.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replay

**Author's Note:**

> “I've got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts - you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn't do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.” ― D.D. Barant, Dying Bites

When Ludger’s phone goes off in the middle of their bar rendezvous, Alvin isn’t surprised. The Spirius Company liked to run their employees into the ground and yet again, there was another fragmented dimension that needed taking care of. Setting down his drink, Alvin smiles. “Work calls huh?” he comments as Ludger sighs softly, nodding.

Waving off all attempts at apologies (still uncomfortable with the idea of someone needing to apologize to _him_ of all people), Alvin grins at him. “Hey, lemme help you out okay? You helped me out with the fruit vendoring, so now it’s my turn,” he says, though Ludger just frowns. They both know that the attempt to sell fruit to a marketer hadn’t exactly turned out for the best, but Alvin just grins anyway. “Sides, we’re buddies right?”

He pulls out his gps and scrolls through his contacts. “I think I can get Elize and Milla to come with us, how ‘bout it?”

Ludger just smiles at that, almost as though saying ‘What can you do?’ and nods his head, thanking Alvin for his help.

When they arrive in the fragmented dimension however, Alvin wishes that he hadn’t volunteered so freely. There’s blood on the ground and in the distance, to everyone’s shock, _Jude_ of all people hunched over in the corner of a small house.

Milla looks at Elize who, with a shocked expression, takes a step back at the sight of blood. She pats her back reassuringly then looks to Ludger who only nods his head.

The Great Spirit walks forward, towards Jude who looks up sharply at the sound of footsteps. His mouth falls open and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days from the dark circles underneath his eyes. “M-Milla!” he gasps and it’s the most heartbroken noise Alvin’s ever heard.

Milla, as expected from the Great Spirit, makes no outward reaction to Jude’s desperate cry and instead bends down, resting one knee on the ground and her hand gripping his outstretched reach. “I’m here,” she says steadily, ignoring the fact that there was blood everywhere. She spares a glance backwards at the others, as though telling them to go look for the catalyst which everyone starts to do, sneaking off as quietly as they could afford to do.

With that going on, Milla looks at Jude again, Alvin hesitating midsearch to hear what they’re saying. “What happened Jude?” she asks as Jude sobs once, brokenly.

“Y-You…you…I thought you were _dead_ ,” he gasps as he keeps a grip on her hand, “Leia got…Leia’s…” Jude trails off, tears budding in his eyes once more. “Leia was killed Milla…And it’s all my fault and…I don’t know what to do anymore…everyone’s _dead_.”

That explained the blood. Alvin bites his lip as he takes a step forward. This world…could it be…? A world where he actually…?

He takes a step forward too far and the wood creaks loudly. Jude looks up sharply, golden eyes wide with surprise at first then, flushed with tears, with rage. He lets go of Milla’s hand and with speed Alvin didn’t quite realize Jude has, knocks Alvin to the ground.

The older ex-mercenary grunts as he rolls away quickly and gets back up on his feet, motioning for Milla to back away, as he could handle this. Or so he hoped anyway. Jude doesn’t see this motion, his fist raised into the air. He punches Alvin immediately as Milla shouts and screams loudly in his face, “How _dare_ you come back now!”

That hurts. It burns into his soul, how furious Jude looks.

Jude continues to yell, his sobs broken as he lashes out punch after kick after _punch_. “Leia’s dead because of you! Did you just come back to finish the job this time?” he demands as Alvin shakes his head rapidly.

“Hey, look, ** _kid_** , I’m not here to hurt you, I’m here to…to…” he hesitates, floundering for words, for once, his silver tongue failing him. In that split second of hesitation, Jude springs up and kicks him hard in the gut, his eyes burning with rage.

“Run away again like you did after Leia died?” he spits out as Alvin presses his lips together.

So this _was Hamil_. He shot Leia. Apparently he killed everyone else too because he…the alternate version of him must have completely lost it. So why did the alternative version spare Jude?

…Was that really a question worth asking? He knew why.

While distracted, Jude lands a solid blow against Alvin’s chest again, throwing him backwards. It’s hard enough for him to spit out blood and it’s enough for him to realize that Jude, for the first time, is really intent on killing him. The boy who had offered him a place next to him even after everything he did here actually wanted to kill him.

The realization connects at the same time Jude’s fist hits his sword arm and his sword drops to the ground in reflex. What has he _done_?

Jude draws his fist back and it’s glowing. On reflex, Alvin draws his gun quickly, narrowing his eyes. He only would shoot near the ground, get the kid to back off and they could talk it out.

But Jude doesn’t immediately throw a Demon Fist at him, instead, he’s hesitating. “Why….would you keep me alive after all this?” he looks up at him, tears in his eyes, “who are you trying to fool, changing your outfit like that and coming back like _nothing_ is wrong?”

Alvin realizes belatedly that he looked different from the Alvin of this world as he keeps his gun trained on the younger boy who was sobbing quietly.

The urge to comfort him rises and it’s hard not to think of him as _his_ Jude but…

It’s only when Jude looks up again does he speak, anger in his voice.

“I should have _never_ trusted you Alvin.”

His gun hand falters at that, Alvin’s eyes widening in shock. He deserves this really. It’s kind of surprising that he hadn’t _been_ punished.

Deep down inside he’s still waiting for Jude to tell him that, to say that his trust had been misguided all this time.

But hearing it…hearing it is different.  

Jude takes that moment to swing his fist towards Alvin and the ex-mercenary can hear it, hear the cries of his friends racing to help him.

His hand trembles then pulls the trigger reflexively.

The arte never connects.

There’s a loud BANG and Alvin just stares straight ahead, his hand visibly shaking, as the barrel of his gun starts to smoke from the single shot.

He didn’t miss.

Jude reaches up blindly and touches the shot, blood already pooling around where Alvin had shot him. He looks up briefly at Alvin who looks like he’s about to throw up, the young boy’s eyes filled with tears, before dropping to the ground in a slump.

It doesn’t take long for him to stop moving as Alvin just drops to his knees, gun falling out of his hands. He stares at his hand and clenches it tightly, only looking up when Elize walks over to him carefully. “It’s not your fault,” the younger girl says slowly, firmly, “it’s not your fault Alvin.”

Alvin doesn’t reply, even with the world breaking around him, shattering like glass. He looks up to Ludger stands in front of him in his Chromatus form, his spear tip balancing the catalyst before shattering like the dimension itself.

“The catalyst…it was him, wasn’t it?” he asks as Ludger flinches and nods his head slowly, looking as though he didn’t want to be the one to confirm it. Alvin presses a hand to his face and pushes himself off the ground, to get back up. He has to go. He can’t be there anymore, with everyone looking at him worriedly. What-?!

That thought is cut off when Alvin’s knees buckle and he falls to the ground again, hands pressed against the dirt ground of Hamil. He is once more back in the prime dimension, the dimension where Jude and Leia and _everyone_ was still somehow alive. Yet… _yet…_

He barely registers Elize trying to use a healing arte and Ludger and Milla both pulling him carefully up to his feet. Instead, the former mercenary brushes them all off and staggers off, picking up his sword and gun as he does so. The gun he stares at for a long moment before shakily storing it away.

It didn’t matter now.

It shouldn’t.

Jude is still _alive_. Still believed in him, no, still _trusted_ him.

Yet as he somehow leaves Hamil and makes it back to Trigleph in relatively one piece, in part due to Ludger, Milla, and Elize insisting they escort him, he doubts the sincerity behind Jude’s smile. What if he was still angry? What if…?

He leaves the small group once they arrive, fending off any and all wishes to keep on escorting him and starts for the bar. Alvin’s desperate at this point. He had to get the image of Jude dying, of Jude hating him out of his mind because surely that was only because the alternate version of him is an idiot and a moron, right? Going to see Jude, telling him what he did…no he couldn’t. He wouldn’t risk Jude hating him.

Somehow he gets to the bar, fueled by that desperation as he sits down heavily, ordering the strongest drink he could get. Immediately throwing it back, he slams the glass down, demanding for another. The bartender stares at Alvin for a moment before obliging him, noting that Alvin’s hand is shaking.

Several bottles later, Alvin gets up suddenly, knocking over the stack of glasses next to him. The bartender looks a little worried, as though Alvin might lurch out, but instead, the merchant slams some gald down on the table and leaves swiftly.

“Hey! You gonna be okay?!” Alvin hears the bartender shout but he ignores him, walking out of the bar and into the darkened streets. Blindly he walks along the streets of Trigleph, lost in his thoughts.

 _I’m not drunk enough for this shit_. He thinks almost desperately, pressing a hand to his face.

“Alvin, there you are!”

Alvin looks up sharply at his name being called and he almost recoils on instinct, seeing _Jude_ standing in front of him, looking like he had been running through the entire city looking for him.

_“I should never have trusted you.”_

Biting his lip, he turns to leave when Jude appears in front of him, holding his arms out.

_Damn kid and his damn snap pivot._

“What do you want?” he growls almost annoyed as Jude refuses to back down. “I’m not in the best mood.”

Jude smiles gently then reaches out, touching his hand, only to frown when Alvin flinches and moves his hand away. “Ludger called me earlier,” he says as Alvin freezes up at that. Did Jude KNOW already? The young doctor’s eyes narrow slightly at Alvin’s sudden silence and continues onwards, saying, “he didn’t really specify but he said you were looking down since your journey with him into the fragmented dimension.”

All Alvin can think is, _Dammit Ludger, why the hell would you send the kid after me…_ over and over again, biting his lip. There’s a strange growing fury inside of him, recoiling at the kindness that Jude is showing him so damn _naturally._

 _It’s a farce Alvin._ His thoughts say at him, dark and poisonous, dripping over his rationality.

_You almost killed him._

**_He hates you._ **

 Looking at Jude, seeing him smile at him infuriates Alvin and he reaches out with both hands, shoving Jude against the wall and keeps him pinned up against the brick, hands gripping his shoulders with an intensity that surprises even him.

Jude makes a startled and pained noise, looking up at Alvin with surprise. Alvin in return just tightens his grip.

“Why…” the former mercenary starts to say, anger and hate in his voice building up and for a second, he thinks he’s just going to explode. Instead, his words falter and start to trip over themselves, seeing Jude’s eyes.

There is no fear in those golden eyes.

Jude’s gaze, no, _Jude_ is completely different from Hamil, both in this world and that.

Alvin’s voice finally dies as his grip weakens and he closes his mouth. His knees buckle and suddenly, just like that, he’s kneeling in front of the kid, gripping his front. “Don’t play with me Jude,” he finally says desperately, eyes closed tightly as Jude lowers down to his level and gives him a hug, hand reaching up to pet his hair slowly. “Don’t fuckin’ pretend to be nice to me after all of that bullshit.”

The kindness makes him want to throw up all of the alcohol in his system and instead he just tightens his grip, not saying anything.

Jude hesitates for a brief moment before he continues to speak. “Milla told me what happened after Ludger called me,” he admits quietly as Alvin freezes up in Jude’s grip, now tight enough where Alvin couldn’t run away. “I’m sorry, for my alternative self.”

Alvin doesn’t know where to look, trying to run from Jude’s grip. Only when Jude apologies, does he freeze and look up at him, eyes wide with shock.

What?

Why was _Jude_ sorry?

“I **shot** you,” Alvin says through the heavy alcohol haze drifting over him. “Why the hell are you apologizin’ to _me_?”

Jude shakes his head. “Alvin, I don’t hate you for what you did to my alternative self. In fact, I’m grateful that you’re still here and you’re not hurt.” He pushes his hair back and looks at him seriously. There’s a moment of silence and Alvin tenses in that silence, waiting for him to say something that would end whatever semblance of a relationship that they had.

“You have my trust and more importantly, you have my love.” Jude’s face goes a shade of pink but he holds Alvin’s gaze intently, not willing to let go of his stare. Slowly he picks up Alvin’s hand and presses it against his heart. “I’m still alive and we’re moving forward towards a new future.”

Alvin meets Jude’s gaze before his hands tremble and he holds onto him tightly, hiding his face in his shoulder. He breathes in and exhales sharply, coming out in a laugh. “Fuckin’ brat,” he mutters as Jude just chuckles quietly, continuing to pet his hair slowly.

“Come on,” he says after a moment, smiling. “You need to sleep off all of the alcohol you drank.”

Alvin doesn’t protest, only saying, “I didn’t drink that much,” to Jude laughing in response.

Jude pulls both him and Alvin to his feet, holding his hands gently then starts to walk with him, taking him back to Alvin’s apartment where the older man fumbles with his keys and opens the door. Stumbling in, Alvin feels Jude help him into bed and his coat and scarf sliding to the ground into a pile.

Jude walks off to get Alvin a glass of water and sets it next to him, Alvin watching him move around in his apartment.

He doesn’t want to sleep, afraid that it was a dream, afraid he’d wake up in that alternative dimension where Jude was dead.

“Jude,” he suddenly croaks, his hand reaching for the younger doctor, “stay with me.”

Jude pulls up a chair and sits down, squeezing his hand gently. Offering Alvin a gentle smile, he lifts the older man's hand up to his lips and kisses the back of his hand. “I’m here. I’m not leaving," he promises. Alvin slowly relaxes at that.

With that reassurance, knowing Jude is there with him, he nods his head and tightens his grip on his hand.

Tomorrow he’d wake up with a killer headache and complaining to Jude who had fallen asleep next to him.

Tomorrow he’d apologize to Milla, Ludger, and Elize and be his normal, well, as normal as he could get, self.

But for right now, while the gunshots still echo in his memory, while the sting of the words he hoped to never hear again still remains, he will instead cling to the hand so freely offered to him and reassure himself that this is his reality.

 _I won’t let you down._ He promises to himself quietly then slowly his eyes slide shut and he greets sleep gratefully, knowing he isn't alone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by my friend [writtentofreedom~](http://writtentofreedom.tumblr.com/) I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
